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Gimme That Old School Rap
FILED UNDER: Everyday Life
August 27, 2003

Yo! I like rap. Yeah, that's right, Mom. Your baby girl likes to throw down, Old School style. Not this new crapola. I dig those creative pioneers of lyrical genius: LLCoolJ, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, RunDMC, Sir-Mix-A-Lot, The Fat Boys, Kid N' Play, Flavor Flav, etc. They had a good time with their music - but they worked for it. Rap these days BITES, and the kids don't even know it. What a shame. Talent and inventiveness have been replaced with non-stop cursing and talking nasty. (not to say that was not occasionally present in Old School rap, but it wasn't nearly as common.)

Here's a prime example. A kid in Oakland had an assignment to translate a rap song from Ebonics to standard English. It really gives you a chance to grasp the current state of rap, and as bad as it is, it's also a little funny in the English version. Anyway... the artist is The Notorious B.I.G. (oh yes, the very one- the inspiration for every single song put out by Puff Daddy since Biggie's not-so-surprising demise). The song is "One More Chance" on the "Ready to Die" album. You read the results. (Will be offensive to some, it is current rap, after all. Mom, don't read this. Seriously, you'll just upset yourself.)

MOTHER!!! Well, I warned you.

Lyrics:

First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money
Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan'
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down to the socks
Rings and watch filled with rocks

Translation:

As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewellery.

Lyrics:

And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit

Translation:

I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable.

Lyrics:

Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya
I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya
Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin

Translation:

Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons. I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts. Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia. I'm having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me. I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you.

Lyrics:

First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
Climax that your man can't make
Call and tell him you'll be home real late
Let's sing the break

Translation:

I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and jewellery, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He needn't be concerned about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you won't be home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me also.

Lyrics:

She's sick of that song on how it's so long
Thought he worked his until I handled my biz
There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans
Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round me
True player for real, ask Puff Daddy

Translation:

Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications about the length of your member. After I had sexual intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed; violently and immorally. It would be in your best interest to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.

Lyrics:

You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel
Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
She beeped me, meet me at twelve

Translation:

Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight.

Lyrics:

Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes?
While I'm swimmin' in ya women like the breast stroke
Right stroke, left stroke what's the best stroke
Death stroke - tongue all down her throat
Nuthin' left to do but send her home to you
I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?

Translation:

You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman. Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd osculatory acts with your women. My only remaining option is to request that she leave my home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have a need for her presence.

Lyrics:

So, what's it gonna be? Him or me?
We can cruise the world with pearls
Gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crushed linen
Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em
The finest women I love with a passion
Ya man's a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin'

Translation:

The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will dress you in the finest jewellery and footwear. You will be envied by women world-wide in your fine clothes and jewellery. There is a special place in my heart for beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is effeminate.

Lyrics:

High fashion - flyin' into all states.
Sexin' me while your man masturbates.
Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight.
Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.
Lyrically I'm supposed to represent.
I'm not only the client, I'm the player president

Translation:

You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris. I will fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewellery. You will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself through manual stimulation. What a life! I'll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock flight. The timing is perfect because I have scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock. I'll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap well and I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not only am I a sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on the board of directors of the organisation that governs others of my kind.

(Translation found on this website)

Posted by Shannon at August 27, 2003 04:29 PM | TrackBack
Comments

It was good to see that translation thing again. That is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

As for today's rap, it is good, you're jsut not listening to the right rap. There is a pretty vibrant underground hip-hop scene that produces some of the best rap ever made. It builds on the pioneers without dipping to the raunchy lows of the gangsta vareity.

I suggest you check out Blackalicious and Jurrassic 5 first, then Dialated Peoples, Lauryn Hill, and the Roots.

Posted by: Matthew at August 27, 2003 06:54 PM

for all the hataz: yo i be trickin' rhymes like a 729 on on the dizzle-lo, fool.

my name is crazee8 i got nothing to prove
i rolled all up in here with a rap for you
so 1 for da money, and 2 for some more...
now the rap's over - see ya - i'm out the door...

or maybe it's not.
ya see, i got more to say
to all the new school rappers
thinking they poppin fresh
in them fancy cars and them gold teeth
but that bling bling crew ain't got nuffin' on da old skool
so listen up. maybe ya learn sumthin.

hackin' rhymes like lugies - your skills are weak.
sound so white they like "damn?! cream of wheat?"
your lines are cheesy, your groupies are sleazy...
you're tryin' too hard man - rappin is easy

Posted by: crazee8 at August 27, 2003 07:49 PM

Sweet Crazee8! I wasn't expecting an actual rap in response, cool!

I have heard Jurassic 5, and you're right, Matthew, they are definately up there. Beastie Boys are a trusty standby, too. Our college radio station plays good stuff-- but the other stations are totally useless for innovative music of ANY kind.

I'll have to check out the other ones you mentioned!

Posted by: Shannon at August 27, 2003 10:16 PM

your are welcome
it ain't no thing
it just makes me happy
when i rap and i sing
i share my rhymes with the masses
they can like it or not
and when i stand on the toilet
i get high on pot
best rapper in the city
maybe even the state
so haters stop hatin
and appreciate
fools try to step up
but i show 'em who's boss
i like my girls white and skinny
like my dental floss

word is born

Posted by: crazee8 at August 28, 2003 04:46 PM

Candice and I just finished reading this...funny.

Oh yeah, rap ain't music...jus' fo da recohd.

Posted by: SonofThunder at August 29, 2003 12:21 AM

three words...

the...humpty...dance...

Posted by: bill colrus at August 29, 2003 10:35 AM

HEY! THAT WAS GOOD! I LOVE OLD SCHOOL RAP AND I WAS WONDERING IF I SENT YOU A CHECK FOR $20 WILL YOU E-MAIL ME THE WORDS OF THE SONG RAPPERS DELIGHT? PLEASE EMAIL ME AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK THANKS

Posted by: janelle at September 16, 2003 03:12 PM

Yo, first of all girly girl I wouldnt exactly call Sir-Mix-Alot,Fat Boys,Beastie Boys, Kid and Play etc. Lyrical Genius. Pioneers yes, but genius no. The most complex lyrics of all time have come from som of todays rappers (BIG, LLoyd Banks, Mos Def, Talib Kwali, Jigga, Nas, Big Pun,etc.). Also in run down listing of "lyrical genius" of old school rappers you tottaly left out some of the rappers that where ahead of there time in the 80's, Rappers who's lyrics and beats are still used to this day such as Slick Rick, Eric B. and Rakim (One of the best duo's youve neva heard) Big Daddy Cane, Marly Marl, KRS1, BDP, Special ED, etc. Yo I aint hatin on your views but YOU disscredited alot of todays talent and for got to give credit to some of old school raps real genius.

Posted by: Fresh to Death at March 24, 2004 12:06 PM

I don't know much about the rap of the 80's, I'm more familiar with early 90's. I'm not discrediting today's talent. I just don't think that they are better than their forefathers. Probably a lot of it concerns their content. The older guys were cleaner (most of the time), and so I enjoy that more.

Posted by: Shannon at March 24, 2004 04:31 PM
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