October 15, 2004
I miss being at home.
Working is something I have to do now, because that's just the way it is with Patrick in school. Don't get me wrong, there are things about work that I enjoy. Adult conversation. Paychecks. Insurance. Those are all nice perks.
But everyday, it's harder to walk out the door now. I miss the evening ritual, making good meals and washing shiny faces, and that sweet scent of clean hair when I get a hug. I miss bedtime stories and the family devotion, and quiet prayers.
I miss being in the room with my husband and not being tired, I miss sitting on the couch with him laughing at Headlines. The more I am here, the more I wish I was there. I don't need the validation of the working world, I don't need to know I can hold my own in the dog-eat-dog pace, I don't care about any of that. My biggest contribution is not at this computer, at this job. My legacy to the world is at home right now, tucked into bed, dreaming sweet dreams of princesses and ballerinas, or in the next room dreaming of cars and balls.
So, I count the days, I mark them off in my head, each one bringing me closer to where I want to be, where I should be.
I may sound like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I'm grateful. Not all mothers can stay home with their babies, and that's hard. This brief seperation, which will total just a year for me, has been wrenching. And yet, some women find themselves in situations that stretch much farther than a year. Some women don't have the luxury of being home ever.
As I thank God for His blessings, I count this as one. I thank Him for a husband who understands me, and wants me to be happy, and appreciates me. If I told him right now that I couldn't take it anymore and just wanted to quit, he'd make it happen, no matter what. He loves me in ways that humble me.
That makes walking out the door a little bit easier.
But, it makes walking in the door all the sweeter.
Wow, I know just what you mean!
I used to think work was so important, I was great, I was contributing, etc. blah, blah yuck!
I sort of HAD to work, but any woman who is ABLE to spend time at home being a mother and a wife should do so, that is the most important job in the world, and you know what? It is soon down-sized, the mother part at least. Enjoy that time while you can. Not much longer then until he's done with school? Then you'll be Mommy to three!
I hear ya. I'm having to go back to work right now, and these days while I'm waiting for that job that God is putting me in (sending out resumes, going on interviews, praying, answering the phone in anticipation) I look around me and thank God for the time that I've had being a housewife trying to slowly build a home business. And I am SO thankful for the years that I had with my children. I was able to homeschool them and I will never regret that. I got so much time with them... but I did work for the first year of my first child's life. It was hard, but I had a good job in a hospital too. Felt the same way you do.
Posted by: another Shannon at October 15, 2004 11:16 PMi love you!! you're so beautiful. jeremy says hey, he gets to read your blog everytime i do because i always check it when i'm at his house. you're a wonderful sister...! i miss you!!
Posted by: britt at October 16, 2004 08:19 PMHey Britt!! Miss you too! I'm trying to get those pictures we took at the zoo scanned so I can put them up here.
See what happens when you buy reconditioned? IT NEVER WORKS.
A lesson learned the hard way.
LU2, sis.
Reconditioned what?
Posted by: Joey Wolfe at October 17, 2004 12:41 AMHi Shannon,
Just lurking here... ;-)
Obviously I don't know your full story, but from what little I read, I think it's very admirable that you find such value in being a mother. Unfortunately, it seems like many women view this as more of a "downgrade" than anything. I think it is incredible. I pray that you will find full satisfaction, fulfillment, and peace in your great task. God bless.
Frank
Posted by: Frank at October 18, 2004 02:56 PMReconditioned scanner, Joey. Not exactly our wisest investment.
Frank, thanks for stopping by! I hope you'll come back and comment whenever you like! :)
Posted by: Shannon at October 18, 2004 05:07 PM