I should have known, based solely on the synopsis on the back of the tape:

"After meteorites fall to Earth in a medieval land, fire-breathing dragons emerge from the rubble to terrorize the countryside, bringing death and destruction. A team of six fighters will have to band together in order to defeat the flying monsters in order to assure the future of mankind."

"But there was nothing else to rent," I whine. So I took a chance.

Turns out, I was tragically and horrifyingly wrong to rent Dragon Storm: When Hell Reigns. Hell did indeed reign for an hour and forty minutes - B Movie Hell. That's an hour and forty minutes of my life I can never get back. And I didn't just subject myself to this film abomination, oh no. A perfectly innocent bystander was also injured by my poor judgement. My dear, sweet husband, who knows that his wife is tragically drawn to fantasy themed movies and is helpless to stop her- suffered along with me. (But not in silence, readers. Oh no. My husband is MST3K reincarnated- which actually made the event endurable.)

At one point, the evil king was wearing a sports jacket. No lie!! Shoulder pads and all! The costume department spruced it up a bit with some embroidery, but come on!! And I'm pretty sure his crown was the Burger King cardboard one, with a little extra gold glitter. I lie not, readers.

People kept falling off horses for no apparent reason, also. A dragon would fly by, and three people spontaneously fell off their horses. It was, in traditional b-movie style, kind of entertaining - but still. Would it have been SO hard to come up with a teeny weeny bit of choreography? Apparently, YES.

Not to mention the extras- I'm guessing there were about 4 all together. They wore hoods so they could be "re-used" in other scenes. It got to the point where you knew if somebody was wearing a hood, they are SO about to die. If I had been a betting woman, I could have won some money on it.

And the "old" wizened wizard? No way, jose. He was about twenty something with a gray wig. Or at least, just some gray dye. Don't ask me why they didn't just hire an OLD actor instead. Beats me.

You'd think all that would teach me not to keep renting these movies. You'd think. But sadly, you'd be wrong.

Poor Patrick.