November 28, 2004
30 seconds is the required time to view a blog at Blogexplosion before you can surf to the next one and still get credit. 30 seconds can be a lifetime or a blink of an eye, depending on the blog. I can usually look at a blog and know instantly if I'm interested, if I can relate to it- if I might want to come back. Graphics, text, fonts- usually clue me in right away. I try to be open-minded, but I'll admit, sometimes I zone out if it's something I know I won't like, and I impatiently wait for the clock to wind down.
When I first saw the screen for this blog, it didn't perk my interest. No particularly compelling graphics, a rather ordinary profile, not my style. I wasn't being critical, I just wasn't interested. I scrolled down, waiting my obligatory 30 seconds until I could surf on, when I noticed something. Her last entry, dated October 18. It was a goodbye letter.
Why put a blog on blogexplosion if you aren't going to blog anymore? I thought. That doesn't make sense.
Well, it turned out to be a true goodbye. Her last letter to readers and friends and family and this earthly world, because she was dying. Strength had faded, days were numbered, and she sat down to write those last words on October 18, to say the things that needed to be said.
I was so profoundly affected by the words of this woman, this stranger, this "ordinary" person who was, in fact, extraordinary to the people in her life. Her strength was otherworldly, and poured out through words filled with faith, and love, and joy, and encouragement, and acceptance. I was humbled. No, that's so insufficient. I was broken.
I suddenly related. The very "ordinariness" of this woman took on a new meaning. This mother, wife, sister-- could have been someone to me. It could have been my mother. It could have been my sister. It could have been me.
I hope, that when that day comes, as it does for all of us, I find my heart full, as Shar did. I leave you with an exerpt of her words. It's rather long, but I couldn't edit such beautiful thoughts.
In the 59 years I have lived, I have been blessed, I have experienced so much. I can tell you that I know what it feels like to be married to and share my life with a wonderful man, for 42 years. To be committed to a man that always encouraged me to be true to myself, and my needs. Ben completes me. Our love, his love for me is such a gift. I know how it feels to be a preachers kid, and as a child, have dinner with needy strangers, that my parents so graciously invited into our home. My parents were wonderful, kind, caring people. I know how it feels to have a sister that I could mother (even though I am sure she did not always like that) and share my life with, that I can and could always count on for my needs. I am blessed. I know what it is like to be called ' Mom ' and watch our daughters grow and develop into the beautiful, women that they are and were (both inside and out). I know what its like to watch your daughter with her daughter, and be so proud that there are no words that could describe this. My girls, all of them, have been such a gift, such a beautiful gift. I also know what its like to lose a child, both suddenly, and our youngest, whom battled the same beast as I, to watch her suffer in pain, and pray that her pain end, and later carry the heavy burden of guilt of this. I know what it is like to have family and friends whom we could count on in both good times and bad. They rejoiced in our good times, and prayed and always willing to lend a hand in bad. I know how, and what it feels like to laugh, to cry, and to just be. I love my life, and all it has entailed. I am grateful for all of you in my life, for all of my experiences, and life lessons. Thank you, all. Thank you, God.
I have learned that life is not just about joy, but also sorrow. It is our sorrows that pave way for greater joy and appreciation for life. It is our sorrows that remind us of our own mortality. What defines our life is not how much gold we have, but how much love we have known, have experienced, have embraced, not only with your family and friends, but more importantly, yourself and God. Without self love, you risk the chance of allowing true love into your life, and without God, well, we have nothing.
Please continue to pray for Shar's family, especially as their first Christmas approaches without her.
You know... 30 seconds wasn't long enough. And sometimes, neither is a lifetime.
Hey! I only read 2 other blogs and that was linked to also, Shar is becoming a legend!
Go get those boobies checked, Girls, and while you're at it, have 'em check under the hood.
And don't listen to those STUPID guidelines from the medical association who don't recommend it or the insurance companies that won't PAY for it until you're 40. I had THREE friends diagnosed with breast cancer at 37 and 38 years old. ALL had full radical mastectomies. Two are doing fine now, but one died.
Posted by: annie at November 29, 2004 05:41 PMwow, shannon. thanks for pointing this out - i haven't been surfing blogexplosion much lately and would've missed it.
Posted by: joy at November 30, 2004 01:04 PMWell that's def a sobbering post. Makes you want to hug everyone you run into and tell them you love them.
Posted by: Took at November 30, 2004 08:45 PMGee whiz - you got me bawling and red-faced and downright unattractive over that one. Both my mom and my MIL have been treated for breast cancer, and my MIL is currently facing treatment for endometrial cancer. Turns out that women who take Tamoxifen (sp?), the most common treatment drug for breast cancer, are at a *much higher* risk level for developing endometrial cancer. Apparently a regular exam plus pap smear will NOT show endometrial cancer...you have to have an annual biopsy. So if you know anyone who's taking or has taken Tamoxifen, let them know. :)
Posted by: Michelle at December 1, 2004 02:55 PMI've followed that one for a little while, too. Heartbreaking!
Posted by: Busy Mom at December 3, 2004 04:51 PM