January 31, 2005
I was Mean Mom today. I hate that. The truth is, after four days of rain, we've got a severe case of cabin fever.
Sigh.
Sometimes, I feel like a good mom. I read stories, I take them to the playground, I make sure teeth are brushed. I've got most of that covered. But occasionally - like today, I'm just not a good mom. I'm impatient and selfish, and just want them to be quiet. I want to take a bath without fifteen emergencies in the other room. Ya know?
I know logically, that my mother wasn't perfect. Certainly, she had impatient moments and occasionally spoke more harshly than was necessary, right? But I don't remember her doing that. Today, after I left for work, I thought about my attitude with the kids, and thought to myself, "sheesh, I hope they don't remember this particular day." I was not happy with myself.
I want to appreciate this time with them. Their youth. Their sense of fun and easy happiness. I know that one day in the future, it won't be this way, that the hurts and pains and realities of life and growing up will creep in on them-- and these days are gone. They'll still be great kids, and still happy, but not the way they right at this moment. So, it really bugs me when I go and blow the chance to enjoy it just because I'm not in the greatest mood.
I think I'm reaching a critical stress level. I'm finding it more and more difficult to "bounce back" from things and I'm not sure what to do about it. The things that usually help, like blogging, just aren't doing it for me. I'm trying to figure it out and I got nothing so far. I need refreshment. Renewal. Something...
Posting has been bleak, and infrequent here at APOG, I realize this. The truth is, I can't promise much different at the moment- so I'm going to take a little vacation. I may write here and there as the mood takes me, but for all intents and purposes, I'm on hiatus till the blues have lifted. Wish me luck, and check back in occasionally because I am NOT shutting APOG down. We all just need to get away sometimes...
But save my seat, k? I will be back.
My Gosh, I think it is also partly due to the "Winter Blues"!!!
I really have only three favorite blogs and my one other blog friend went on "vacation" yesterday! The other one is her usual snarky self although she did have a short episode about a month ago... but winter's not over yet. I think this happens to a lot of people and I used to suffer from the Winter Blues really bad myself.
Now, I really want you to take care of yourself and your kids, you are so smart to know how important they are. You are a very good mother!
As for me, I am sorry that I will not have a whole lot of time to miss you and feel blue...because my Grandson was born last night! A month early, but perfectly fine and healthy (and cute!). So I am going to be a bit preoccupied.
But I thought about you and your little bun in the oven and wanted to share that with you.
God Bless!!!
Wow Annie! You are definitely going to be busy now! Congratulations, and enjoy that baby loving! Thanks for the encouragement, and pop back in someday soon in between diaper changes! :)
Posted by: Shannon at February 1, 2005 10:28 PMYou're a wonderful mom... and I promise you... the things you think are so horrible won't be remembered by anyone but you..
Little Momma told me once... just a few years ago... when I babysat for an entire weekend for some friends who lived with demons disguised as children... and I called her to apologize for all the trying times we must have given her as she raised three stepping-stone children (to be later joined by a fourth little angel)...
She laughingly told me that sometimes she actually considered pinching our heads off and flushing them down the toilet and hiding the bodies under the bed...
When I was able to stop laughing... I had to wonder how atrocious we must have been to bring that thought to mind... or... how weary she must have sometimes been in the never-ending work of motherhood... wifehood... sisterhood... daughterhood... womanhood...
Posted by: Aunt Vickie at February 3, 2005 08:16 AM