Those black circles under my eyes? Attractive, aren't they? I picked up these matching beauties in the hospital, where I spent a few days with my two year old. Like all good big sisters, Wrenn shared a particularly ugly stomach virus with her sibling, and he just wasn't big enough to whoop it on his own. We're fine now, but it was a rough weekend, which followed a long week with both of them being sick. Good news is, Patrick and I seem to have escaped it, which just goes to show that a diet of dr. pepper and crescent rolls isn't such a bad thing after all. (My latest cravings).

Anyway, I feel like I dropped off into a black hole this week, but I'm inching back out again. I'm worn out, but recovering. I've watched more children's shows in the last week and half than in my entire childhood, and my brain hurts a little from that, but otherwise, I'm good. And I have a renewed dislike of Caillou. If ever a kid needed a spankin'...

In extended news, the family is going through a rough bit with my brother. It's difficult to watch someone who is on a collision course, and be unable to stop them. You know impact is coming, but you're never entirely prepared for it. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers and support you've guys sent us-- and I'm asking that you double the effort right now. I don't want to be dramatic, but it's about as bad as it can get. Trey will now be facing the consequences for his actions, and my parents need wisdom and peace to face the approaching months (years?).

Let me say though, that something really good has come from this. Aah. Stop and reread, please. Something good, which is quite an extraordinary thing, if you ask me. A strengthened relationship with my sisters. I didn't realize just how underdeveloped that bond has been until a few months ago. I picked up the phone to call my sister, and realized why. It was to check on news about my brother. Not to find out how she'd been, what she'd been doing lately, or to plan the next visit to see her. I couldn't remember the last time I'd called/written either one of my sisters that didn't have to do with him. All this time, I've been wanting a deep, meaningful relationship with them and I've been waiting for life to be normal to have that. What a waste. You can't wait for that sort of thing. So now, we're still talking about our brother, because that's such an immediate concern in our life, but there is a change. There's a depth that wasn't there, the promise of a friendship that is developing. The assurance that there IS a reason to pick up the phone and call, that has nothing to do with anyone else but us. What a balm that has been in the last few weeks! When something good glimmers out of the darkness- you appreciate it even more. In the midst of all this mess, I have found something to be incredibly happy about and grateful for. Thank God for my sisters.

And while I'm counting blessings, I want to say something about Patrick. We have a date this coming Saturday, and I am looking forward to it like it was our first. I can't wait to spend time with him, just enjoy his company. This is a man who gives all of himself to his family, and to me. I admire him. I respect him. Do you know how much those two simple statements contain? I know the best of him, and the worst of him, and I can still honestly say that he is deserving of respect and admiration. No, he's not perfect, and he would think I was giving him too much credit... but that's not the case. I know him. I knew all those years ago, when he asked me to marry him, what kind of man he was and would be, and I said yes without hesitation. It was the best decision I ever made, and I've never regretted it. The last few months have been a testament to just how blessed I am to have him in my life. I am still in love with my husband, and after 8 years, I realize just how unique and special that is.

So.

Hard times can yield good things. I'm feeling some of that old optimism creeping back, peeking out at me, enticing me back to brighter days. I am feeling... different. This old skin, it's been itching for a while. Something else lies beneath, some sparkle of color beneath the dullness. Funny how I didn't notice it before.

"How does one become a butterfly?" she asked.
"You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

Who knew that could be so hard?

But exciting.