I'm sure you've noticed the ongoing dialogue started in my post Crossing Lines.

Let me explain something here, in case there is some question about if I should be writing those things or not.

It sucks. It just does.

My blog is my diary. It didn't start out that way - it began as a fun place to link and post the quirky thoughts that often cross my mind. It was light and easy and entertaining.

Now, maybe not so much. I get serious here, and I realize I've probably lost readers along the way who don't want to get into that heavy emotional stuff. But that's okay. My blog has evolved into exactly that, my blog. It works for me. It is exactly what I need, when I need it. Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me cry, sometimes it feeds my creative monster, and sometimes it doesn't. I've come to love it for what it is.

But it does, occasionally, get me in trouble. If you've been here long enough, you'll remember some of my more spirited controversies, all carefully preserved in the archives. Remember when Shannon experimented with some colorfol language- and barely lived to tell the tale? Aah, good times.

Anyway.

I knew I took a big chance writing this very personal experience with drug addiction in our family. But I felt that we needed some kind of forum to deal with it. So yeah - I took the reins in my own hands and put it out there.

It's ugly.
It's painful.
It's embarassing.

But it's also therapeutic, and liberating. It's okay to say it. We're off, we're dysfunctional, we've got serious issues. But are we so different from everyone else in the world? No. We're just louder. And maybe that will help other people be braver, too. Maybe it will give someone else the courage to face their own Bad Stuff, and start to rebuild and repair what's broken in their own life.

To my family - sheesh. I'm sorry. I know it's hard. I know you don't want our business splashed across the internet. But you need to remember, that these are my friends here. These are the people who love me, and pray for me. And when I write about this here- they love you, and pray for you, too. Nobody is judging you or gossipping or laughing. They are hurting for you, interceding for you...

To my mom and dad, I know this is especially difficult for you. You both try so hard to protect everyone else from just how bad it really gets. I respect that. You want the circle of fire to be small, so less people are affected. We weren't raised to air our dirty laundry, and the fact that you haven't thrown my laptop in the lake is a testament to your love for me. Thank you for letting me do this my own way. Even if it is, sometimes, the wrong way.

We will get through this. We will be okay. I believe that. So many good things have happened, even in the height of the storm. Relationships have bloomed, love has deepened, and we have found the ties that bind us are unbreakable. We have been forged in fire, born to strengths we never knew. I am proud to be part of this family, proud to see the changes and maturity and growth of the last year. I am glad to know that I can pick up the phone and be showered with love and encouragement in a matter of seconds. There is never a shortage of love to go around - and that is what will see us through this valley.

I'm done now, I think. I'm tired. I need a break from the emotional weight for a little while, so I'm off to play with the paperdolls again.

You should try it. I am totally in the running to be Jennifer Anniston's new stylist.