I have missed thee.

Due to one thing or another, I have not had internet access this week. Egads, you say! Whatever did you do, Shannon?

Well, I suffered.

But being the survivor I am, I filled the hours with books and tv and chocolate, and now I'm back again.

I went back to the doctor again today (they have a reserved seat for me in the office now). Amniotic fluid is good, not quite normal, but the bedrest seems to be helping. When I go off bedrest, it dips too low, so the final outcome is bedrest until I deliver, which will be May 13th. They scheduled me for an induction, which is not something I'd do under normal circumstances (call me granola but I like the idea of letting nature take it's course), but it seems to be the best thing to do in the situation. So, two weeks from today, dear readers, bebe comes.

I've already got his/her "going home" outfit, courtesy of my friend Debby, who is a total rock star. Does she know me, or what?

While I'm at it, let me say a hearty "thank ye!" to Debby and Rachel, who brought candy, movies, and a general assortment of fun stuff to keep me busy this week. They knew I was a little down, so they came for a whole afternoon and kept me thoroughly entertained! Whether there were margaritas involved or not, I couldn't say, but I CAN say that I have great friends. Thanks guys.

Well, that's it for now. Dr. Phil is coming on soon.

Sadly, that is not a joke. I may have developed a small daytime television addiction. Hopefully, it's just a temporary affliction. On the plus side, I am getting so good at "The Price Is Right" that it's scary. And don't get me started on "The Family Feud". Survey says I'm a genius.

Last night at about four a.m., Wrenn ran into our room yelling and scared us to death. We bolted out of bed, adrenaline turned full blast. Turns out, she had a really bad dream. When questioned, she told us tearfully that it was about "God's big old car". No further explanation was provided.

I have no idea how terrifying that must have been. I mean, God's car? Come on-- you know that's gotta be intimidating. But, she recovered, and dreamed quietly the rest of the night.

Anyway, her dramatic entrance interrupted my own strange dream, which I so wanted to share. But there's just no way to tell a dream you had without boring the pants off everybody listening, so I'll spare you the details. I will tell you, however, that I was Mrs. Luke Skywalker, we'd defeated the Dark Side, and there was swing dancing. There was also a little anxiety over future employment for my husband and whether there would be a pension check from the rebel forces. Oh, and if he'd ever used "Jedi tricks" to meet women before.

Motto of this story: Be careful what you watch before bedtime when you're pregnant.

It could have been weirder, though. At least I wasn't Mrs. Yoda.

There are lots of great things about living in the South. Pollen is not one of them.

My allergies are in full force, and I've been downing the Tylenol Sinus at an alarming rate.

And now, I think I may have killed my brain. Nothing's going on up there, people. I can hear the crickets chirping.

Shannon need her brain. Shannon no good without it.

There are healing properties in chocolate ice cream, I'm sure of it.

In the continuing saga that is my pregnancy, I am now back on bedrest.

"Bedrest" is such a deceptive term. It sounds so nice, like I'm reclined in a big mound of pillows and sleeping the hours away. When in truth, it's terribly inconvenient and disruptive to our life. I now have to AGAIN figure out how to follow the doctor's orders AND make sure my kids are taken care of, AND let Patrick finish up this semester AND start his new job (since I haven't been able to work at all) AND not depend too much on all the other people in my life who have already bent over backwards for me the last three weeks.

It's frustrating.

Okay, 'nuf whining. I'll write later when I'm a little more chipper.

My body whispers: Psst! Wake up!
My brain responds grumpily: What? Go back to sleep!

Body: I need to pee. Come on, get up.
Brain: No, I'm comfortable!
Body: Well, I'm not. And if I'M not, then YOU'RE not.
Brain: I hate you, you know that, right?
Body: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Minutes later, the Brain is happily dozing again.

Body: Um... Brain?
Brain: What now, you jerk?
Body: Heartburn.
Brain: Oh you are just a piece of work. Why didn't you say something a minute ago when we walked past the medicine?
Body: It wasn't hurting then.
Brain: It'll quit in a minute, stop whining.
Body: No way, man. This is serious. My stomach lining is in major jeapordy.
Brain: I don't have a choice, do I? You're totally killing me here.
Body: Sorry, pal.
Brain: No you're not. Come on, let's get this over with.

Minutes later, the Brain is again nodding off.

Body: Look, I know you're going to be mad, but I'm thirsty now.
Brain: No. Go away.
Body: Seriously! My mouth is parched, it's like the Sahara in there! I can't make it until morning.
Brain: You're not going to shut up about this?
Body: No.
Brain: Okay, but this is absolutely the LAST thing we are doing. I'm putting your foot down.
Body: I hear ya, I promise. Last thing.

Mere moments later...

Body: Did you hear that?
Brain: NO!! I did not! And neither did you! You're just stalling!
Body: I swear I heard something.
Brain: You are SO getting Tylenol PM tomorrow night. Now, for the last time, GO.TO.SLEEP!

Body: Fine. You did remember to lock the front door though, right? That's all I'm saying. Because it would be way too easy for someone to sneak in here while everybody was asleep and just whack the lot of us.
Brain: That's ridiculous. And irrational. The only thing you need to be afraid of is ME if you don't SHUT UP!

Sadly, this went on for some time, before the Body finally got bored, and ran out of excuses to stay awake.

But by then, the Brain was busy thinking about how to blog about this the next day, and it was still several more hours before everyone had settled down again for the night.

You see what I'm working with here? Sheesh.

We're back from our brief, but very productive trip to Monroe. The weather was gorgeous, visiting was laidback, eating was voracious, and yard work was vigorous (mmm, not by me, but still.) Here are a few pics I snapped of the kids, and even one of me, in all my pregnant glory.

Okay, I'm out for now, laundry to wash and such. I'll write more later.

(Click the extended link for the pictures)

The kids have spent this past week in Monroe with my husband's family, so that I could rest a bit. (I have awesome inlaws!) Anyway, before they forget us entirely, we're going up to retrieve them, and enjoy one last visit with everybody before the baby comes.

Must go pack, so that's it. Just wanted to give a heads up that for some of you, we're coming your way. Take cover. The Trislers draw nigh.

Had a hard conversation today on the subject of forgiveness. I knew something had been bothering me, but I couldn't really put my finger on it. As soon as the word was spoken, I realized just how much I've been counting the wrongs done to me, done to my loved ones, by my brother. I've been holding each infraction close, taking them out more and more frequently, and reviewing them, stewing and brewing. The burden has become so heavy, and I didn't even realize the weight of it until today.

Forgiveness comes easier when someone says they are sorry. When they show true repentence, that remorse oils the squeeky gears of forgiveness. With tears of joy, we happily throw the hurts to the wind. Wrongs are forgotten, the past is released, the future embraced.

But when someone is not sorry, when they don't see or worse, don't even care what they've done, forgiveness will not budge from my heart. They haven't earned it. They don't deserve it. And they are still a threat, still bound to hurt me even more. Forgiveness is a luxury they haven't the right to.

How do you forgive someone like that? Why do you even bother? What difference does it make?

Well, I swear I've heard the answers to those questions a thousand times. But somehow, I forgot. I really, truly forgot why we forgive the unforgivable, the unrepentant. In my own pain, I blinded myself to the very foundation of my faith.

We forgive, because that was what was done for us.

It doesn't mean that you don't hurt over it, that you aren't angry, that it's acceptable, or that actions don't have consequences. All of that has to be dealt with, and that's okay. Those things are really separate issues from forgiveness. But, it does mean that in the end, you forgive those trespasses against you, as our Father forgives us.

It's not that this person deserves it or even cares about it-- it's not for him. It's for me. It's about ME striving to be more like Christ, who forgave more than my mortal mind can comprehend. He forgave the sin of all humanity. What He asks of me is a mere pittance in comparison. And when we do forgive, what rewards we reap! Peace and happiness begin to heal those hurts. We are liberated from hate, we are free to live without the shackles of that pain. That's a promise we find time and time again in the Bible.

I'm not going to lie, even knowing that, I still don't want to forgive him. It's something that I am going to have to work on. I still need to understand just what forgiveness means, but, as was pointed out to me today, this is my chance to explore that. God is giving me an opportunity to learn something, to grow, to be more of what He's called me to be.

I know I'll have to pray, "Lord, help me to WANT to forgive." The thing is, I know God will hear that, no matter how hollow it sounds to me right now. And one day, probably a day I won't expect it, that forgiveness will be there, quietly waiting for me to see it. It may not change him, or the situation, but it changes me.

I wanted to share these things here, because this is where I go, this is where my friends are, these are the people who love me and make me better. I can count on you to be the sharpening stones in my path.

I also want to thank the person who has led me to think about this, who challenged me when I needed it. You said all the right things today.

Thank you.

In an effort to help my doctor pay for his new Lexus SUV, I went to see him once again this morning. He's always happy to see me walk through the door! He told me his family has really been enjoying the new pool he put in, too. Glad to help, I said.

Anyway, I've apparently bribed my way into some good news. The amniotic fluid is up, which just goes to show that being lazy can be productive! I am off bedrest, and am now at reduced physical activity. He didn't release me to go back to work, but he said I didn't have to be off my feet so much anymore. I'll go back in a week (he mumbled something about getting a new widescreen tv), and they'll remeasure to see how things are. So, that's great news! I was prepared for whatever, but am glad I've got a little more time before this package arrives.

So, that's it, that's the update. I'll write more later.

And multiply it by about eleventy billion, and you will have a good idea what is lurking right outside my front door... and sneaking into my house through secret passageways.

It's really, really creeping me out.

Really.

Someone pointed out that I haven't put enough pictures of the Little Guy up here lately. He's not as cooperative as Wrenn is when it comes to photo ops, so I have to catch him like this:

We start them young in Louisiana.

It's amazing what sleeping in until 10:30 can do for a gal. I feel like a cat, which is downright lovely. I may just stretch out on the porch today and lazily watch the traffic of the day pass me by. meow.

My dear, dear friend, Debby, brought me back a bushel of strawberries from the Strawberry Festival (which I may never get over missing AGAIN!!). For breakfast (brunch?), I cut some up, sliced a banana, sprinkled it all with sugar and poured some milk over it. It was perfect. No, it was purrfect, and I don't care how corny that sounds, so don't bother teasing.

So, here I am, belly full of yumminess, well rested, still in my pjs, contemplating my day.

I declare it good.

Lives this little monkey.

Poor Wrennie. What a trooper.

Doesn't seem to keep my doctor away. Today's prognosis: Another week of bedrest.

Argh!! I'll admit, the first few days were nice. Extra rest, a break from chores, a little pampering-- I could close my eyes and pretend I was at the spa. But after a few days... the novelty wears off a bit and boredom sets in. Oh well. I am loaded up on movies to watch, and books to read, so maybe this week will be better.

As for the actual physical condition- my amniotic fluid was even lower, which was not good. I mean, come on! I did what I was supposed to! The doctor said I have oligohydramnios, which is not great but I suppose it could be worse. At least I am 32-33 weeks, and delivery at this point is not ideal, but it's not terrible. I go back in a week to be remeasured. If it's lower, they'll admit me to the hospital and hydrate me and give me steroids to help the baby's lungs develop faster. More than likely, they'd induce me if it gets to that point. Do you know how unready I am for that? Whoa. I mean, we haven't even settled on names, let alone gotten clothes and things together. I'm just so mentally not ready for this.

But, I'm not in a full panic, because that will only stress me out more, which is what we are trying to avoid. I'm okay. I'll be watching closely to make sure the baby is moving often, and I'll drink as much as I can, and maybe next week we'll have some good news. Maybe I'll bring two apples next time.

Okay, that's the update. More bloggy later.

Well, the thing about bedrest... it doesn't give you much blog material. Sorry, guys. It does, however, give you heartburn. Fun.

Oh, I did learn that Walker Texas Ranger and MutantX are two VERY good reasons to break down and get cable- but I'm fairly certain that doesn't qualify as a compelling blog topic. I did find the soundeffects for WTR quite amusing though. Who knew punching a guy had a metallic twang to it? Maybe that's only in Texas, though.