I win!! I have to admit I was worried there for a moment. My two year old son has a fierce will, and he had decided he simply wasn't going to be obedient this morning. We fought a battle that should be sung by bards throughout the ages. I am going to have a tapestry made to commemorate the event, and hang it in the halls of my home as a trophy. (Can you tell I've been reading a book set in the Middle Ages lately?)

Anyway, sometimes parenting is a like a battle. The stakes were high this morning. If I didn't come out victorious, then Eli would be a little less of the person he is called to be. More than anything in this life, I want my children to be happy and good natured, and that is born in obedience to their parents, and ultimately, to God. It's my job to make sure he has the foundation he needs, so we waged war in the laying of it.

It's a tough job sometimes. It's no fun to be the bad guy. I'm not immune to my childs cries and discontent, and discipline isn't always easy to dispense. But now, I look over at him, and he's happy again! His bad attitude has been wiped away with the tears. Lines are reestablished, rules reinforced, and he knows the boundaries of his world again. It's strange- you'd think that giving your child the freedom to do whatever he wanted would make him happy, but it doesn't. "Bad kids"- and don't we all know a few-- have the least rules and are some of the unhappiest children. You can look at their faces and see it. And the parents, God bless them-- they're miserable, too. It makes me sad to see it.

I don't hold myself up in comparison though. When I start to lean towards pride, I am reminded in some painful and obvious manner that I am far from perfect. I'm mortally flawed, and I make mistakes. I ask myself all the time if I'm doing this right, if my kids are going to turn out okay. But, God knew me and all my weaknesses when He made me a mother. He has given my children grace to grow despite my imperfect parenting. They belong to Him, and He cultivates them in hidden ways, in unnoticed moments.

When Eli's hands finally submitted to my will this morning, it was his heart submitting to the Greater Will that is cause for my rejoicing. His small, watery voice saying, "I'm sorry" wasn't heard by my ears alone, and the victory tapestry hangs in halls other than mine. But I don't go unrewarded for my efforts-- small arms curl around my neck and peace is made. I hold him tightly, as long as he'll let me, which is never long enough anymore. Before he pulls away, I kiss his forehead and wipe his eyes and give him a little thump on the nose.

I'll see you again, little guy, I think to myself.

But next time, I'm wearing armor.

It comes to my attention that I may need to expand my horizon when the most exciting phone call I make is "GUESS WHO PEE-PEE'D IN THE POTTY!!!!!"

After 4 YEARS worth of wiping butts, that is pretty dang exciting though.

If I'm lucky, I'll have a whole two month's break from the dirty deed, during which I will attempt to develop more interesting phone skills.

You may applaud me now.

[Soapbox]

I've said it before, but I've got to say it again.

Be nice to your kids. Just. A. Little.

If they accidentally bite their tongue and start crying, have some sympathy. It hurts! Don't jerk them by the arm and tell them that they deserved it because they talk too much anyway. I know this is really hard to grasp, but children actually have feelings, and they are capable of being hurt. Why don't you just give them a hug? Is that so freaking hard? If they cry louder than you want, it's probably because you WON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THEM. Even a dog needs a bone every now and then. And if you can't swing a hug because you're totally coldhearted, just reach down, pat their heads, and tell them it will stop hurting in a minute. Take a second to care for somebody other than yourself.

And while we're on this topic, stop telling your kids that the policeman is going to come get him if he steps out of line. Argh! Can you see why this is wrong? No? Well let me tell you. You're making him afraid of cops and authority, for one thing. You're teaching him that a policeman is a scary thing, not someone to be trusted or called for in help. What happens when your kid gets lost or in an emergency situation? Is he going to be happy to see a cop coming? Secondly, you're trying to get someone else to do your dirty work. Your kid needs to do what you say because YOU'RE the one saying it. If you teach them to respect you, which means setting boundaries and consequences, being consistent, and get this-- MUTUAL respect (even to a preschooler), you won't need to call in somebody else to do this for you. You don't want a cop parenting your child, do you? I promise you that won't be good. Do it yourself, or that kid's going to end up disliking cops for a reason.

Good grief, people. It's so easy. And it matters so much. Get it right.

[/Soapbox]

So why is it that my 11 month old will eat absolutely anything he finds on the ground... fuzz... dirt... rocks... bugs.... paper... but if I try to feed him something new in the highchair, he acts like I'm giving him poison!?

:::I will apologize in advance for the length of this post. I found that I have a lot to say on this subject and had a hard time editing myself!:::

As a mother, I get so sick and tired of "parenting magazines". They are usually filled with liberal, Godless bull. If you take the behavioral advice written by the "professionals of the field", you are going to end up with a snot nosed brat. Sorry, but it's true.

They tell you NEVER lift a hand to your child. Instead, find ANY other alternative to so vulgarly and offensively injuring your child (both physically and psychologically). Offer compromises, choose your battles, distract your wayward child with other exciting activities. Let me expound on what that will do. It will compromise the integrity of your child. It will teach them that you only battle when you're sure you can win. And it distracts them from living a righteous and holy life.

I think we see evidence of this type of parenting every day. How many times do you cringe when you think of being around certain children? What child in your life do you just hate to see coming? Well, the blame for that is layed directly at the feet of their parents. Parents are responsible for the molding and shaping of a Godly child, and if you ignore the tools we were given and commanded to use, you fail your child miserably. It's harder, takes more love to train with the rod than all these wishy washy behavior modifications. I spank my children because I love them and want them to grow up obedient and loving the Lord. I'm tired of defending that.

Now, that said, let me say, if you TRAIN your child with loving diligence, you will not often have to DISCIPLINE them. Set up training sessions, starting when they are very young, I'm talking 5 or 6 months old. Put something within their reach that you don't want them to touch, like a glass of water. Let them reach for it, and swat/thump their hand and quietly say "No". Never raise your voice; that teaches them that the tone is directly related to how much they can get away with. If you say it with sober quietness, they will always know you are serious. As you do this training, they may or may not cry, they'll think about it, and try again. Repeat the process until they begin to understand that "No" is associated with an unpleasant feeling. Make this a short, ten minute affair, then remove the object and play with your baby. Let them see your happy smiling face. Always aproach training with a calm heart, knowing that you are working to create a little soul that loves the Lord and loves you. After a few training sessions, you will have immediete, effective obedience when you say "no". It's not a matter of the morality of reaching for a glass. This is training, just like you would use to teach a pet what you expect. Of course, I'm not comparing your child to a dog! But the principle of training is the same. Teaching them "no" is just the beginning of many training instances they should face in these early years. After you've effectively trained them, they understand what is expected of them. When they test those rules, showing willfullness and disobedience, then you use the rod for discipline, or other appropriate action. (However, do not use these methods as sole replacement for the rod.) With effective training, you will find that you rarely have to discipline. I'm not just saying that - it's true.

If you train your children in this way, you will find such freedom and joy in your child. Having limitations makes them happy and secure. Not to mention that there are situations where immediete obedience could save their life. If they begin to run into a busy street, you should be able to yell "No, stop!" and they freeze in their tracks. You don't want your child pausing to consider if you really mean it or not, or how much farther they can run before you get truly mad.

Sheesh, I just want to keep going on this subject, but I don't want this to be too terribly long. I think I'm going to make this a series of posts. I welcome your comments on this subject, even if you don't have children. For reference, I suggest you read the book "To Train Up A Child" by Mike and Debi Pearl (the first chapter is available free online at that link.) The book costs 5.00, and can be ordered here. It is by far, the best, most helpful book I've ever read about child-rearing. Our copy is on loan to a friend right now, but I'll be happy to share it if anyone else wants to read it. We have used many of the very common sense techniques in this book with our first child, and now with our second. I do not claim to have perfect children - I am simply stating that we can't be afraid to be the parents we're called to be.

I will say, there are a few things that the Pearls believe that I do not. If you know me, you'll probably recognize these passages when you get to them. These are not related to child rearing, but more doctrinal differences. I believe, with any book, you should try to glean the good and ignore the rest.

The strongest evidence I have for parenting the way I do (besides believing the command in the Bible concerning the rod) are those shiny happy faces that bring me such joy, and peace, and contentment.

Alright then, lay it on me. Kiss me or Curse Me!